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  <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:micawber</id>
  <title>眠れない愛</title>
  <subtitle>HOLD ME SO TIGHT I BREAK, HONEY!</subtitle>
  <author>
    <name>Sarbear</name>
  </author>
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  <updated>2009-10-08T15:00:49Z</updated>
  <lj:journal userid="11126293" username="micawber" type="personal"/>
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  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:micawber:112820</id>
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    <title>micawber @ 2009-10-07T20:32:00</title>
    <published>2009-10-07T11:33:25Z</published>
    <updated>2009-10-08T15:00:49Z</updated>
    <category term="live reports"/>
    <category term="japan"/>
    <category term="d&amp;apos;espairsray"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;a name="cutid1"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I realize I'm writing this up 6 days later, but things have been moving so fast.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;This was truly one of the most amazing lives I've ever attended. I really didn't think it was possible to love this group of guys called D'espairsRay any more than I already do but I feel like it's grown thousands of times. I know it's lame and cheesy to be like "this band saved my life" and all that stuff, and they didn't save my life but they've made it better, so much better. Whenever I can't muster enough courage on my own to keep going through all the bullshit life seems to throw my way, all I need to do is listen to them and I can do it. They always know what I need to hear and when I need to hear it. (This is probably worded very similar to Ash's because we talk about this all the time. xD) I know I'll be a mania for life because this band has rooted themselves deeply into my heart. Enough of that though...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Anyways, the morning of I slept in a bit later than I had been and I remember when I woke up Ash was wide awake. I automatically knew what day it was and it felt really surreal. It was one of those moments that you wait for for such a long time and then it comes and it's like...whoa.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We took it pretty easy, got some breakfast, straightened our hair and headed out to Harajuku. We were going to be meeting up with some people Ash had been talking to before so we wouldn't get lost trying to find C.C. Lemon Hall but we wanted to do some pre-live purikura because we knew we'd look tore up afterward. xD&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After walking up and down Takeshita street for a while we headed to Shibuya. We were set to meet at the Hachiko exit, which Ash and I had been hanging around the day before. (We went to all the floors of 109) We waited and eventually we saw who we were supposed to be meeting up with. There were two other people we were waiting for but it was starting to get later and we still needed to find the place. We'd heard various times to walk there from Shibuya station, one of them being 20 minutes.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After waiting we decided to say "fuck it" and found a map and made our way there. The merch line was looong but we had to try, so we got in line and chatted about random stuff. I was still out of it, and was like not believing that I was actually there -- and all of the sudden it was our turn to go up and tell them what we wanted to buy. I was super pissed off because Hizumi's shirt sold out and it was fucking boss. It was like a spine with "screaming out your emotions" on it and "muthaf*cker" on the back. I honestly didn't like Zero's design and it was sold out so there were no tears shed there. I was going to buy Tsukasa's (cuz it had a BEAR like thing on it) and Karyu's but there was a miscommunication and I though his were sold out. (I went in line after the show and they were so I didn't get one, buuuuut I'll save the rest of that part for later.) So I just ended up buying Tsukasa's and they were giving out posters to people who bought stuff so I picked out the one with their "HORIZON" look on it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After we got out of line we sat on the front steps and waited for them to line everyone up to let us in. It didn't take very long and since we were one the steps we were pretty much in there right away. I had gotten so overwhelmed that I dropped my packet of flyers but luckily a girl and Ash helped me gather them back up. (; w ; )&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We went through the main doors and made our way down. We were row 5 seats 27 and 28, which we knew were gonna be close -- just not HOW close. We were actually row 4 - at which point we began to shit ourselves because we were also in the center.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We sat in our seats for about 40-ish minutes waiting for people to fill in and then the intro music began.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Set list (as transcribed by Ash) :&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Closer to ideal&lt;br /&gt;GOING ON!&lt;br /&gt;MaVERICK&lt;br /&gt;Brilliant&lt;br /&gt;Cocoon&lt;br /&gt;SIXty∞NINe&lt;br /&gt;FINAL CALL&lt;br /&gt;琥珀 (Kohaku)&lt;br /&gt;Squall&lt;br /&gt;MASQUERADE&lt;br /&gt;Angeldust&lt;br /&gt;Lost in re:birth&lt;br /&gt;REDEEMER&lt;br /&gt;ARK IN THE STORM&lt;br /&gt;月の記憶 -fallen- (tsuki no kioku –fallen-)&lt;br /&gt;PARADOX 5&lt;br /&gt;Bullet&lt;br /&gt;HORIZON&lt;br /&gt;夜空 (Yozora)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Encore 1&lt;br /&gt;浮遊した理想 (fuyuu shita risou)&lt;br /&gt;MIRROR&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Encore 2&lt;br /&gt;Tainted World&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Okay, so I won't even pretend that I didn't die a little that they opened with "Closer to Ideal" in fact, I got realllllly emotional. I didn't cry, but it was that "I'm about to cry" feeling. I'd been wanting to hear that song live for a while now, and hearing them play it, hearing the words ... ugh, I was in heaven. I think that combined with the fact that it had been well over a year since I'd been able to see them live it made for a super special moment. xD I don't care how lame that makes me sound.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;MaVERICK!! THEY PLAYED MaVERICK! I didn't think in a million years they'd play that. Ash and I had a list of songs we each were hoping to hear that we hadn't heard before (mine being Reddish, Fascism, Garnet, furachina toiki to amai uso, Subliminal and MaVERICK.) Oddly enough, when we were getting ready I put on my D'espairsRay playlist and when this song came on we both were like "FFFFFUCK THEY NEED TO PLAY THIS FOR REAL" Ash and I looked at each other in shock and happiness.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I was also super happy when they played Cocoon as well. One of my favorite lines that reminds me of them and is what I associate with them - "hold out your hand" is in it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;For the opening for Sixty Nine they did something a bit different. There were these huge ass risers that Karyu and Zero were on on opposite sides of the stage and they went back and forth. It's hard to describe, but ... it was awesome.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;During Karyu's solo in FINAL CALL, I could feel his guitar vibrating through my bones. It was boss. xD&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Yeah, they played Squall, too. Which, always, always, ALWAYS makes me cry. I hadn't been too emotional the last few times I had listened to it on my ipod so I thought to myself "If they play it I'll be okay." HAHAHA, that was a lie. Hizumi said something like "this is the first time we've played this song here... Squall." As soon as the words Squall left his mouth I started tearing up. It was just automatic in me. Actually, I had found somethings out and had been dealing with some shit the day before and I was being robotronic about it because I am sick to death of dealing with this person, so it was a nice way to end things. It was like...closure for me. My final goodbye to that person. Ash looked at me when he said it because she knew -- so she grabbed my hand and held it through the whole song. &amp;lt;3&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Randomness - there is a fuck ton of fist pumping in REDEEMER. My arm felt like it was gonna fall off.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Another song I would have NEVER bet I would be able to hear was 月の記憶 -fallen- (tsuki no kioku –fallen-) This song used to lull me to sleep when there was some other bullshit going on a few years back. Karyu played an acoustic guitar, which I've never had the honor to see. It was amazing.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Paradox 5 was amazing. It was just on a completely different level. That song moves my soul - I just stood there in awe of what was going on in front of me.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;FUYUU SHITA RISOUUUUUUUU - one of my favorite songs to hear live. It's pretty intense. At the break, Ash grabbed my hand and asked me if I was ready to go. Of course, I responded with a resounding "YEAH!" For those of you unaware of the majesty that is fuyuu shita risou - I link you to this video - &lt;a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doAJZXotVCw"&gt;http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doAJZXotVCw&lt;/a&gt; xD&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After the first encore, they started throwing out more picks. I didn't know it at the time but Ash had called Karyu's name and gotten his attention. A pick flew our way, but it bounced off my boobies and so I was on a mission to find it. Luckily I did. After I picked it up Ash and I sat in our chair laughing like two hens - we didn't even need to say why. xDD&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Also - during one of the MC's Hizumi talked about his voice. It had been off all night, but I tried not to be too critical. I had assumed that it was because they've been over working themselves lately - it seems like if they aren't touring Japan, Europe or the US they're recording something. Apparently he's been having trouble for the past 3 months and has been going to the doctors a lot. Luckily they have found the cause and have a fix for it, but he mentioned that at times he felt like giving up and that because of "these guys" (meaning the other members of the band) he was able to keep going. He said that they're there for us in that way too.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;That alone makes me love them more and more. They really have been there, they've made me realize who my real best friends are, they've made me love my life, they've given me the courage to keep going even when I feel like there isn't anything left. That alone is the best gift ever. But for him to say it...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;"even if this world is in conflict and our powerlessness carves into our hearts, we seek the light because our legs won't give up"</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:micawber:67479</id>
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    <title>ライブレポート　～　V系　Times　Tokyo　Supported by　ぴあ</title>
    <published>2009-01-24T04:47:40Z</published>
    <updated>2009-01-24T22:52:24Z</updated>
    <category term="live reports"/>
    <category term="176biz"/>
    <category term="mix speakers inc"/>
    <category term="12012"/>
    <category term="d&amp;apos;espairsray"/>
    <category term="サディー"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;center&gt;7.23.08&lt;br /&gt;V系　Times Tokyo&lt;br /&gt;赤坂BLITZ&lt;br /&gt;176BIZ&lt;br /&gt;Mix Speakers　Inc&lt;br /&gt;サディー&lt;br /&gt;12012&lt;br /&gt;D'espairsRay&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name="cutid1"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/center&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Pre~Show♥&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We decided to leave about 2 hours early so that if we had any train issues we'd have enough time to get in line.  Luckily this time there were no issues.  The weather was extremely enjoyable and breezy compared to the sweltering heat we'd been experiencing lately.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Our ticket numbers were pretty high.  The three of us had numbers around 470B.  We ended up stalling on getting the tickets longer than planned because we wanted to buy them together and had to wait until we all had the money for it. We didn't end up heading to Lawson until about three weeks prior to the show.  In fact, even though we'd gotten them a little later than planned, it was enough time for me to have a few scares about where I had put my ticket.  Most of the time it was on my dresser or in my desk, but I finally got so frustrated that I stuck it on the wall next to my BeaU uchiwa.  XD&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The anticipation was running high.  I hadn't seen D'espairsRay for about 2 months and I didn't want to have to wait another minute.  That's what your favorite band will do to you.  ♥&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We didn't end up meeting up with anyone as planned, and we also didn't see other fans that we didn't want to see.  That's all I'm going to say on that topic.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;They started calling in numbers and we lined up on the stairs and chatted a bit.  Finally we got up to the doors and they asked who we were there to see.  Ash &amp; I said "D'espairsRay" while Kasan said "Sadie."  I wasn't looking for it, but on the wall they had Styrofoam cups with each of the bands names on it.  I'm proud to say that D'espairsRay was the most full.  Brimming with ticket stubs while the others were dwarfed by theirs.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We got in and started to "sumimasen" our way to the front.  We ended up about 10-12 rows back from the stage if not a little farther back.  Generally I've found if someone wants to go ahead of you for a particular band, they'll ask but since BLITZ is larger than live houses like Narciss, it works just a little bit differently.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Anyways, eventually everyone was in &amp; the lights went down...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;176BIZ&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;This was my first time seeing Biz live.  I knew I liked them but really didn't catch on because at the beginning, Tara and Tsubasa (now Toki) were in the band.  When I heard Kouta (ex Codomo A) was joining them, I had hoped to rekindle some sort of interest in them.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;They had an amazing amount of energy and I'm not going to lie, my eyes were on Kouta the entire time.  He looked amazing.  I can't say much for the set list because prior to this I was only a very casual fan.  I use this term &lt;i&gt;very&lt;/i&gt; loosely.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Mix Speakers Inc&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Not only was this my first time seeing MSI live, but it was my first time hearing them.  I was super impressed.  Firstly they are adorable and so energetic.  Even though I didn't know the more elaborate furi or lyrics, I found myself taken in my them and I thoroughly enjoyed it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When they came out it was like a parade.  Yuki and Miki were at the front and each had two members behind him.  They both had flags with the MSI logo on it and the marched out and had a little song that they all sang.  Seek had the costume with really long arms and Ash and I both commented as they came out that Aya was like a Japanese Jeffree Star.  As far as the other members, I honestly don't know their names.  I know Aya and Seek because in high school I got into Psycho le Cemu and the same for Miki and Scissor.  Anyways, the duo vocals really works for them and they are a lot harder than I anticipated.  I look forward to hearing more from them.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;サディー&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I've been a Sadie fan for a looong time, so this live was a long time coming.  They opened up with Meisai, which was really symbolic to me and not only was it the first song I heard from them and consequentially the first single I bought of theirs, but also my first time seeing them.  Needless to say I lost my shit during the entire &lt;b&gt;FOUR SONG SET&lt;/b&gt;.  I give that a big D: face.  I thought that since they were the third band in they'd be able to play more.  I knew 12012 and Despa would play more.  Anways...when they came out all but Mao came out.  At one point while their entrance music played Mizuki jumped up on Mao's stand and jumped around and made funny faces.  I definitely want to see them again!!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;12012&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I like 12012, but much like Ash said, old Under Code 12012 is the one I like best.  To be perfectly honest I didn't keep up with them too much after they left, so I didn't know any of the songs they played.  Their fans are hardcore though.  There was a girl in front of me and to the left a little bit and she was headbanging like a maniac.  I can't say I didn't either, but she was really a sight to see.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;D'espairsRay&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The anticipation between the changes killed me.  By this time we'd already moved closer to the stage for Sadie so we were about the third or fourth row in on Karyu's side.  There were these other foreign fans in front of me but they didn't speak English.  All I know is they annoyed me.  They were seriously dressed business casual (dress shirt and khakis!) and didn't move at all.  Now, Ash and I lost it for every song because D'espairsRay is our favorite and we definitely wanted to show it.  But if these girls simply wanted to observe they should have gone to the back.  Yeah, they were only one song in, but by then I got sick of it so when they played 浮遊下理想 (fuyuu shita risou) Ash and I linked hands for headbang support and I put my arm on the girl in front of me (for support, the girls behind me used my back too XD)and whipped her with my hair.  Yeah, maybe it wasn't the nicest thing to do, but really, you need to buy a clue.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;So they came out and of course I started cheering right away.  The set list is as follows:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Brilliant&lt;br /&gt;浮遊下理想&lt;br /&gt;~ MC ~&lt;br /&gt;new song&lt;br /&gt;Forbidden&lt;br /&gt;Squall&lt;br /&gt;sixty nine&lt;br /&gt;~ MC~&lt;br /&gt;Angel Dust&lt;br /&gt;Mirror&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We weren't sure what the new song was.  It's a toss up between Scissors, which will be on Kamikaze or an entirely new song - which is a ballad, they've been playing for quite a while now.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I cried during Squall.  Ash held my hand again for comfort and I just took it all in.  After sixty nine, they played her song Angeldust; we both were in our own world for that song because it has meaning for us both, but I saw how it affected her and it was just really amazing.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I don't remember the MC except at one point Hizumi said something and everyone had a reaction of "LOLWUT??!"  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As Ash (&lt;span class='ljuser  ljuser-name_saintsmarching' lj:user='saintsmarching' style='white-space: nowrap;'&gt;&lt;a href='http://saintsmarching.livejournal.com/profile'&gt;&lt;img src='http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif' alt='[info]' width='17' height='17' style='vertical-align: bottom; border: 0; padding-right: 1px;' /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;a href='http://saintsmarching.livejournal.com/'&gt;&lt;b&gt;saintsmarching&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/span&gt;) said, "Some bands put on a good show. D'espairsRay fucking blow your mind."&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;No truer words were ever spoken.  XDD&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;Post~Show&lt;/b&gt;♥&lt;br /&gt;We went to our locker for our bags, exchanged our drink tickets for a bottle of water and headed down the stairs to catch the train.  The whole way we were cooling off and were pretty subdued.  We stopped off to grab some dinner at 99 and headed to our separate rooms after.  It was an amazing show and I'm glad we were able to go.</content>
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  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:micawber:7236</id>
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    <title>FRIENDS ONLY</title>
    <published>2007-01-26T04:59:27Z</published>
    <updated>2009-05-04T01:35:44Z</updated>
    <category term="friends only post"/>
    <content type="html">&lt;center&gt;&lt;a href="http://s429.photobucket.com/albums/qq16/mousouegoist/?action=view&amp;amp;current=gals2.png" target="_blank"&gt;&lt;img src="http://i429.photobucket.com/albums/qq16/mousouegoist/gals2.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;center&gt;You don't comment, you don't get added.&lt;br /&gt;No exceptions.&lt;/center&gt;&lt;/center&gt;</content>
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